Realization

 When I'm with him it was fun, happy, sad, fear, confusing.

He said to me "Gue ngerasa bukan diri gue lagi, you take myself pieces by pieces."

also he said, "I don't feel connected with you anymore." 

I was toxic to him.

It was a (very) toxic relationship.

It hurts both of us. We destroy each other.

But everytime I want to let you go, I still remember how tight you hug me after bad thing happened to you. 

We are so hopeful to each other. 

And I finally found someone I can lean on, someone I can share my stories after such a long time.

I care about you, a lot. In a wrong way maybe. It is too much for you.

When I'm with you I keep blaming myself more and more. I hate myself for being too much. I hate myself because I can't make you proud and happy. Even when I told you a simple story but you said it was so stupid, I blamed myself again.

And I realize I lost myself too. 

I lost my mind. I lost my job. I lost my time. I lost my friend. I lost my self..

Once a time you said to me, "I wanna break you, I want to destroy you for once."

Before that, I already broken.

And you just keep breaking me till pieces.

I love you bebo, I really do. It's just I don't know how to love myself if it turns out to be like this.