I n s e c u r e

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i fucking hate myself.

ok. jadi gue sangat excited ke bandung kan beberapa hari yang lalu dan akhirnya gue pun ke bandung.
dan disana gue ga se-seneng itu loh.

iya gue ketemu si hedar.

sampe pagi bahkan dia di apartemen nya meri kita main kartu.
tapi besokan nya kayak aneh gt
gatau
kita sama-sama diem2an.
gue ngerasa dia illfeel apa gimana gitu sama gue
dan gue benci diri gue

you have to know, i was eating yesterday in front of the mirror and i look at myself and.. realize how ugly i am. it's so disgusting. i know I'm so ungrateful

ngerasa aja gue jelek bgt, personality gue juga jelek bgt
i dont deserve anyone

apalagi dia..

dia cuma another wasting time for me. gue tau itu
dan gue gamau terlalu goblok kalo kelamaan chat sama dia nanti gue beneran baper

hari sabtu i had fun with him, dia jagain gue dan gue senderan di pundak dia pas dimobil
but the next day is just... weird

i'm sorry for being me

i fucking hate myself

i wish i can be pretty so i had a confidence to talk, to look at him in the eyes


i really want to cry
it's so silly right
like all of my energy just disappear and i felt so tired

dan gaenak juga gitu loh, gue mau block dia. karna gue, setiap orang yang deket sm gue tp bikin gue gatenang kyk gini gue pasti block supaya kerasa ini orang udah keluar dari hidup gue

tapi

kalo gue block dia gaenak karna dia temen nya mahdi, dan kayak udah deket juga sama natasha meri gitu2. jadi kayak gimana ya.. nanti dibilang nya gue yang lebay apa gimana

tapi kalo ga gue block gue ga tenang kerasa dia masih ada di lingkup gue

apalagi nanti mungkin aja kalo ke bandung lagi apa gimana, dia ada lagi. dan bakal awkward kalo gue ketemu dia padahal gue udah ngeblock dia.

gmn ya